Shit That’s Going On In My Head Right Now. Anxiety and Self Hate.

I feel like I try day to day, hour by hour, and sometimes second by second to think positive about myself. My mind tells me I could have made something more of myself. I’m almost 37. I feel like I’ve accomplished very little. I’m the only one who can fix this. Everyday I allow my demons tell me I’m worthless. I have worth my rational mind tells me otherwise, but the negative overtakes me, I allow it to consume me. My rational side isn’t strong enough to fight yet.

My inner voice is running ramped in my head, and some days its so loud. I know the only way I can overcome this is work as hard as hell in therapy. Right I feel like I’m living in a mental prison. I know I’ve done my time. I’ve been carrying this shit around for over half my life

My inner voice questions all of this, what did I do to deserve this? Everyone goes through bad things in life and they are able to function.

I isolate and just want to sleep so I don’t know what I’m thinking. When I get like this, all I want to do is to drink and shut my mind off. Obviously it doesn’t work or I still wouldn’t be suffering. If anything, it makes my demons stronger.

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