Self-Esteem; We Are All Perfectly Imperfect.

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Self-esteem is an individual’s subjective evaluation of their own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself (for example, “I am unloved”, “I am worthy”) as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despairpride, and shame. Smith and Mackie (2007) defined it by saying “The self-concept is what we think about the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it.”

Self-esteem is an attractive psychological construct because it predicts certain outcomes, such as academic achievement, happiness, satisfaction in marriage and relationships, and criminal behavior. Self-esteem can apply to a specific attribute (for example, “I believe I am a good writer and I feel happy about that”) or globally (for example, “I believe I am a bad person, and I feel bad about myself in general”). Psychologists usually regard self-esteem as an enduring personality characteristic (trait self-esteem), though normal, short-term variations (state self-esteem) also exist. Synonyms or near-synonyms of self-esteem include many things: self-worth, self-regard, self-respect, and self-integrity.

As for now, my self esteem is very low. It’s gotten to the point that its very difficult for me to motivate myself, because I always think I’m not going to be good at it, or I will fail. So I think to myself why even try. Hows that not going to tear anyone up inside hearing that in your head everyday. I’m starting to blog because I’m pretty sure you can’t fail at that. I’m writing my feelings. Hell if I help only one person with one of my stories, that would make my whole year. I will literally strut around like a male peacock with their beautiful feathers.

I have close in-laws, husband, and kids, a few friends, even my therapist is in my corner. They all stand behind me 100%. I know it to be true, but still struggle on a daily basis with feeling good about myself.

There was a time in my life where I wasn’t that way. Id apply for jobs that I didn’t even qualify for, and would land the job because of my self confidence.

I was mentally and physically abused from around the ages of 12-23. As a child, I had self-esteem issues. As a teenager, I felt like I was the fuck up kid. So I didn’t try, and started failing in school after being a straight A student up until the 6th grade. I gave up in school. Looking back I wish the teachers would have noticed a change within myself and tried to get me help.

My first real relationship turned emotionally and physically abusive as well. One day I woke up, I guess the light bulb turned on in my head and I packed my shit and got the hell out of there.

Present day, I don’t have a life like that anymore. (I mentioned about my group of people who are in my corner). I still have a lot of residual crap floating up in my head that needs to be worked out.

I feel a lot of my self-esteem issues that I have are from not being told anything positive. I always was reminded when I fucked up, over and over again.

So the lesson learned from this for me is to never do these things to my kiddos. They are confident and believe they can do anything that we would allow. I think its positive to teach your children to not to live in a fear based world. Were only here for a short time so make it positive.

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