It was the day I’ll never forget. The day that was inevitable for months and the day that I finally hit my rock bottom. It wasn’t just that day however, but the month leading up to that point. After all, I knew I needed help for some time now. I was just lost on what to do about it. We did probably what anyone else would do, and call some local places. The places that we found though, were ridiculously difficult. A common rehab in the area was so inconsistent on their information that we got different answers every time we called. In fact, we literally had to call every single day and beg them to take me in. Turns out, it wasn’t my best option anyway (It was some kind of methadone clinic)
After a month of begging, things began to get even worse. When that day arrived, I felt for the first time that I was going to die from drinking! It was the day i realized I couldn’t keep hoping and waiting. It was on a Sunday and my husband was off. (I can tell you the day even, May 19th. A day after my son’s 19th birthday) Mind you, my husband was scared out of his mind. He wouldn’t imagine anything horrible happening to me. I could tell he could see it in my eyes that I was at my breaking point.
My husband knew I was in trouble and needed help ASAP! That Sunday, he went on a mission and spent his day driving around 3 counties to find a place for me. Finding facilities that could help my addiction was killing me. He took a tour of the place and fell in love with a place over an hour away from our house. Meanwhile, at home doing my last hurrah, he called me in the evening telling me he found a place and everything was going to be alright! He asked me to pack immediately and we were dropping everything so they can get us in their program immediately. At first I was relieved, but then a sudden rush came through me and I was paralyzed and couldn’t move. I just sat there and cried my eyes out. Just sitting there, I came to the realization that I was going to loose my bestfriend, alcohol!
After coming back to reality, I knew it was a matter of life or death. I was in a dark place that had some serious consequences. If I continued, I would be one of those young people on organ failure lists. When he got home after searching for help for me all day he helped me pack. Anything else that was needed we ended up going to Walmart. Some items had to be unopened like toiletries etc. Even though we were in a rush, all I could think about was that I was not going to be next to my husband and kids for a long time. Knowing I couldn’t see my family for a while was really tough for me. Even still, I knew it needed to be done, not just for my family but for myself most of all. This death thing isn’t being overplayed people, I caused major damage. I don’t half ass shit.
So the drive there was an emotional roller coaster. I went from going to “I’m going to die” (self pity) to everything is going to be fine and that this facility is here to help me succeed. My biggest fear was being away from my family for that long period of time.
Before going to the facility, we dropped off the girls at grandmas. I’m pretty sure I held my mother in law for a good five minutes, just hugging her and crying our eyes out. She kept telling me how proud she was of me to take this step. I kept telling her she’s my favorite mom. I didn’t want to leave, but I had to.
Again, I thought I was going to die. I think I cried the day I went into treatment, just coming to the realization I wouldn’t have my best friend anymore. (That continued for about 3 days) I was scared. I didn’t know what to expect.
Upon getting there I think they asked me 3 hours of questions to get a background and a baseline. I don’t remember a lot of the questions, I do remember getting frustrated by how many questions they asked. I went in so drunk I had to take 2 pee tests because I missed the cup the first time. Then had to wait hours to take another because I was so dehydrated. I’m sure they were frustrated with me because the intake process was so time consuming, but that wasn’t what I was concerned about at that time.
My husband was aloud to stay with me during the intake process as long as possible, a lot of the questions they asked I wasn’t even coherent enough to answer them. So he had to answer for me, which I was so thankful for! I didn’t want him to go in the first place, and it was so hard to say goodbye when that time came for him to leave. We just held each other until the nurses finally had to separate us.
After the intake process they took my vitals and started detox med and I went to bed.
Honestly, the first week was pretty much a blur. I was coming down off of a 2-3 year alcoholic habit. I had to be on medications that would prevent me from having seizures and help minimize the horrible feeling of withdraw. I made it through. I slept a lot so I didn’t know I felt so bad. The medications I was on made me really dizzy and messed up my stomach even more.
They ran a series of blood tests to see how the alcohol effected my organs. I have some scaring in my liver. My cholesterol and lipids were through the roof. I also had high amounts of ammonia in my blood stream. The only way to get the ammonia out of my system was very unpleasant. Luckily, I only had to take medication for it 3 times a day for about 20 days to get my levels back to normal or close to it anyway. Like I said, I don’t half ass shit. Its no joke. I didn’t know of another person in treatment who were in for alcohol that had to take a 20 day dose of a laxative 3 times a day to get rid of the ammonia levels in their body.
After stabilizing during that first week, I started slowly going to more classes. In-between classes I chain smoked like a mother fucker. There wasn’t much to do during down time. I honestly felt like I was in high school again. Except these classes were based around drug and alcohol dependence and how it effects our bodies, or therapy based.
My first week, I had memory problems I couldn’t remember a lot of what happened or went on. I don’t know if it was from the medications, the acute withdrawal or a combination of both.
I’ll break up my experience in a few sections since I was there for 37 days, for those of you who are afraid to go to rehab for help, please don’t be scared. This is important for you! A life or death situation. Just take the plunge and do it!!!! What harm of FLMA time from your job to get better what harm is that going to do when you need help. Do yourself a favor, be selfish and get help!