We believe our substance of choice has become our best friend. In a way, they are. We have a crappy day, it numbs when we don’t want to feel, and they’re there for us. Hell, they are even there when we have a good day. It our escape right?
So something becomes of us in our 30s+ when we turn to the dark side. What is the dark side? Why do we turn to numbing? Or feeling good for a little while? Then the shitty feeling comes back in hours. Its like we loose our coping abilities or just give up because life sucks at times. Then it becomes a reflex. By reflex it becomes a viscous cycle. Over and over and over, we search for that same feeling to feel better, whatever that may be. This thing that we’re chasing is killing us one by one. I don’t want to be a statistic and neither do you!
These grafts aren’t the greatest, but It gives us an idea of how poisonous our drug of choice can be. Every year the drug related deaths are on the rise.
The addiction doesn’t want to go away either. I’ll be honest with you, most days I still think about drinking to just to escape for a while. That’s why it’s so important to be aware of or thoughts and what our triggers are.
When going into rehab they ran a series of blood tests to check how my organs were doing. My liver enzymes still aren’t at a normal range and I’ve been out since June 26th. Upon going in my liver enzymes were 3 times the max limit. I’ve mentioned before, when I fuck shit up, I don’t half ass it.
Now that I’ve been clean for awhile, I see the true power and the darkness these addictions can cause. Going to AA, I hear countless of stories and they all have their own unique story, but they always have the same erie similarities. It always start small and innocent, and little by little, it always goes into the direction that becomes harder to control. Then, it becomes out of control. The addiction overshadows the effects in our mind of what its really doing to our body. It causes us to think that we cant survive without it, and eventually we don’t survive because of it.
But if your lucky enough and haven’t caused any major damage, you can change. If your reading this and think, it may be out of control or getting out of control. Fight! Hell, even if your asking if its out of control, usually means its it. Fight like hell and take your life back! The addiction didn’t give you this life, so don’t let it take it away.
I promise you, you will see the clarity when you overcome it. These are the questions I asked myself and probably you will be doing the same. How stupid I was for falling into this trap? How did I not see how bad it really was? Why didn’t I do this sooner and wasted so much time giving in to the disease? Don’t be down on yourself, because the addiction has been answering these questions for you until now. You cant afford to wait any longer! Don’t let it win and take your life back!